Should Auto-Canibalism Be Illeagal?

[Segment starts with Blue, by Birthday Massacre]




Kagy: As with every morning, the sun will eventually rise, and yes, even you're painfully beautiful host must sleep. Before that, let's finish off the night with what few callers are left. Caller Thirty-Six, staying with the mix. Should Auto-cannibalism be illegal in Oklahoma?

Caller 36: Yes. No wait, No. Uh...Kinda?

Kagy: You don't sound sure, Thirty-Six.

Caller 36: What's auto-cannibalism again? [click]

Kagy: Thirty-Seven, What IS Auto-cannibalism?

Caller 37: A better question is weather we should be allowed to marry animals.

Kagy: No.

Caller 37: Well, that's your opinion, but some of-

Kagy: I mean, no it's not a better question.

Caller 37: Listen, me and Barbra are in Love! Can you understand that?

Kagy: I'm going to regret asking, but who is Barbra?

Caller 37: My cat. The most beautiful cat in the world.

Kagy: You...Uh...[click] Wow. Thirty-Eight, it's getting late. What do you have to say?

Caller 38: Hello, Kagy. It's me.

Kagy: You! [whisper] Who ARE you?

Caller 38: The dude at the power plant. I was just sit'n here, listening to your pretty voice again.

Kagy: Oh no.

Caller 38: Thinking about us maybe on a beach somewhere. The sound of the ocean drowning out civilization around us. The Sand would be warm to the touch as the cool waves brush across our toes.

Kagy: Well, at least it's not a console.

Caller 38: The warm breeze in your white hair. ME in a set of sunglasses and swim trunks, you in just the sunglasses. [click]

Kagy: I can't get RID of this guy.

David: [you can barely hear him since he didn't have a mic. If you listened to the show, this is what he was saying] I like him.

Kagy: What?

David: He brings drama to the show.

Kagy: You gotta be Kidding! David, my producer is here. Can't we screen for him or something?

David: You said not to screen calls.

Kagy: [Growls] Caller Thirty-Nine, any last words before I wrap up the show?

Caller 39: Okay, Ma'am. This is going to sound weird, but I'm trapped on a desert island and my radio can only pick up your stations.

Kagy: We gotta go soon, Thrity-Nine. Any last words.

Caller 39: No, really. I need you to send help. I've worked out the co-ordinates and they're lat-[click]

Kagy: No time. Well, that wraps it up for tonight, fair listeners. Join me tomorrow morning as every week morning, while I drown in callers and music. Remember, I also show up at the Cerulean Theatre on campus on Saturday nights for Mina's Movie Club. This week's movie is going to be Perfect Creature. In the Red is a production of K.N.O.T. College Radio. It is produced, with honors, by my friend David Orger, and I'm your host, Kathryn Guilty. Thanks go to our station director, Tom Wits, and everyone, absolutely everyone, who called in. Finally thanks to everyone who listens to K.N.O.T. and/or small time radio of any kind. Good night, children and have yourself sweet nightmares.

[Ends with the Horror of our Love, by Ludo]