What's the Plan?

[Segments starts with Dead Man's Party, by Oingo Boingo]



Kagy: Alrighty, Almighty. We're coming upon the end times, for starting tonight we experience a lightless sky. When Springhill turns black, what are you gonna do? Caller Thirty-Nine, how about you?

Caller 39: Kagy, It's late, but I just wanted to tell you and Springhill to stop underestimating us high-schoolers. We're not dumb teenagers. We're not mindlessly going to do what we're told. We're responsible human beings with a will of our own.

Kagy: Ah, 'responsibility.' Truly, yous is the voice of a generation.

Caller 39: Yeah! I know. I do well enough in school, so what are ya' complaining about?!! I'm NOT wasting my life!

Kagy: Let's see, it's almost three in the morning, Thirty-Nine. Why are you up?

Caller 39: Oh...Yeah, I'm fighting for the horde tonight and I got caught up.

Kagy: How long have you been playing World of War-crack this morning?

Caller 39: Uh...about...since I got out of school. [click]

Kagy: Voice of a generation? Caller Forty. [whisper] Ooo, we made it to Forty. [not so whisper] What are your plans later tonight?

Caller 40: Hello, Kathryn.

Kagy: Hey, everybody! It's Vlad! Springhill's one and only vampire. What's up, Vlad-inator.

Vlad: I told you not to call me that. I was wondering, Kathryn, what are YOU planning tonight.

Kagy: Me? I'm not going to be in Springhill, certainly. I'll be at lake Black Well watching the city burn at a distance. I hope I can see the fire's glow over the trees. Too many trees around Springhill.

Vlad: M'yes. The bigger question is, what do you expect to happen tonight, little dove?

Kagy: Tonight's the 13th, and the moon will ju-u-ust about be a new moon. Until sunrise, all lights in the town will be shut out and we will experience a Lightless Sky.

Vlad: You're so sure of that.

Kagy: Have you even known me to exaggerate?

Vlad: Exaggerate? No. Lie? Yes.

Kagy: Ha! Watch the night, Lord Vlad-inator, and you will see. Being a vampire, you'll likely be the only one who CAN see.

Vlad: And afterwards, I would wager the Springhill Police force may have words with you.

Kagy: I will burn the bridge after I cross it. [click] Caller Forty-One, What are your plans tonight?

Caller 41: Oh my God, Kagy, have I got the best thing for you and your listeners. It's so simple you'll be scratching your head for days wondering why you've never done it before. It's a simple program that anyone can do called Cash-Gifting.

Kagy: Uh-huh. Cash gifting. Isn't that an online pyramid scheme, Forty-one?

Caller 41: No, absolutely not, Kagy. It's just a simple method of making money. It works like this. All you need to do is take one-hundred dollars, then put it into an envelope, hide that in a magazine, then send the magazine in a package to me. At the same time, you'll be asking the same thing of your friends who, in turn will do the exact same thing.

Kagy: So...You want people to send you money and then have other people send THEM money...for nothing?

Caller 41: It's not a scam, Kagy.

Kagy: I don't remember saying that.

Caller 41: It's a gift. And I believe there is enough human kindness in the world for everyone to win this way.

Kagy: Well, considering you'd be at the top, I can't imagine this as a pyramid scheme. Thanks for showing me the way, Forty-One.

Caller 41: Just send your money to P.O. Box- [click]

Kagy: Forty-Two. Last words before the last show?

Caller 42: In a debate between a man and a woman, is the man ever right, Kagy?

Kagy: Only when she's dead. [click] That's it for me tonight, dear listeners. Assuming the town survives that next couple of nights, I'll be at the remains of the Cerulean Theatre with Mina's Movie Club where all films are all vampire movies. This week's movie will be the Dracula, the original Bela Lugosi film. We are a production of K.N.O.T. College radio in Springhill Oklahoma. In the Red is produced with fear by David Orger and hosted by myself, Kathryn Guilty. K-G. Kagy, get it? Stop calling about that. Kind thank-yous to our fearless director who doesn't believe me about the lightless sky, Tom Wits, and thank yous, of course, to everyone who called in, even you. Special thanks also to each child who listened to this or any other small time radio. Goodnight, princes and princesses, and have very sweet nightmares.

[End with Isolated, by Chiasm]